Gawker vs. NYT: Questions to ask before you get married

For many days of the last week, the most popular item at the New York Times website, as evidinced by the number of people emailing the item to their friends, is the following list of questions one should ask their significant other before making a public and permanent committment to each other.

Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying
NY Times, December 17, 2006
Relationship experts report that too many couples fail to ask each other critical questions before marrying. Here are a few key ones that couples should consider asking:
1) Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care giver?
2) Do we have a clear idea of each other’s financial obligations and goals, and do our ideas about spending and saving mesh?
3) Have we discussed our expectations for how the household will be maintained, and are we in agreement on who will manage the chores?
4) Have we fully disclosed our health histories, both physical and mental?
5) Is my partner affectionate to the degree that I expect?
6) Can we comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
8) Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
9) Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?
10) Do we like and respect each other’s friends?
11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
12) What does my family do that annoys you?
13) Are there some things that you and I are NOT prepared to give up in the marriage?
14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
15) Does each of us feel fully confident in the other’s commitment to the marriage and believe that the bond can survive whatever challenges we may face?

Gawker rightly called bullshit, saying the questions "were so boring, that we despaired of ever getting married if we were forced to ask them of anyone," and suggested the following list of questions that might be more applicable to most couples considering cohabitation:

Before You Get Married, Make Sure He Doesn't Have Herpes or a Coke Problem
Gawker, December 21, 2006
1) If we get pregnant, is it because one of us didn't wear a rubber or because you forgot to take the pill?
2) How much does your trust fund pay out quarterly?
3) Did you get the Heineken and Pop Tarts like I said, bitch?
4) Do you have herpes or paranoid schizophrenia or something?
5) Why don't you go down on me?
6) Are you absolutely sure you're not gay?
7) Where should I put my porn in the bedroom?
8) Do you ever shut up?
9) When I'm bored of sex (with you), you're not going to make me go to therapy or AA or anything, are you?
10) Are your friends hot?
11) How much cash would your parents give us if we had kids?
12) Is your mom crazy or a drunk?
13) Are you just a cokewhore?
14) If I go to Thailand for a month, will you just not ask me any questions?
15) Is that prenup still valid?

The Democratic Agenda

Courtesy of The Right Was Right:

Now that the election is behind us, and the Democrats control one or possibly both houses of Congress, there's no reason not to admit it: the Right was right about us all along. Here is our 25-point manifesto for the new Congress:

1. Mandatory homosexuality

2. Drug-filled condoms in schools

3. Introduce the new Destruction of Marriage Act

4. Border fence replaced with free shuttle buses

5. Osama Bin Laden to be Secretary of State

6. Withdraw from Iraq, apologize, reinstate Hussein

7. English language banned from all Federal buildings

8. Math classes replaced by encounter groups

9. All taxes to be tripled

10. All fortunes over $250,000 to be confiscated

11. On-demand welfare

12. Tofurkey to be named official Thanksgiving dish

13. Freeways to be removed, replaced with light rail systems

14. Pledge of Allegiance in schools replaced with morning flag-burning

15. Stem cells allowed to be harvested from any child under the age of 8

16. Comatose people to be ground up and fed to poor

17. Quarterly mandatory abortion lottery

18. God to be mocked roundly

19. Dissolve Executive Branch: reassign responsibilities to UN

20. Jane Fonda to be appointed Secretary of Appeasement

21. Outlaw all firearms: previous owners assigned to anger management therapy

22. Texas returned to Mexico

23. Ban Christmas: replace with Celebrate our Monkey Ancestors Day

24. Carter added to Mount Rushmore

25. Modify USA's motto to "Land of the French and the home of the brave"

More thoughts on Democratic victory, Ted Haggard, etc., when I get a chance to write it all down.

Art Party

The exhibit of my photos at Mediums Gallery in Little Rock's Hillcrest neighborhood opened last night with a reception at the gallery. I could not have asked for a better event. I don't know if anything sold last night, but a flood of friends and family turned out to see the exhibit, and everyone had very positive things to say. I loved seeing all the pieces up on the wall, hearing how everyone responded to the work, and noting which works were the crowd favorites. The music was spot-on and created the perfect mood. The wine flowed. All in all, it was a tremendously affirming and rewarding experience.

Thanks, Jimmy, for catching the vision of my work and encouraging me to fully express it on your walls. And thanks again to all the loved ones who came out to see the work (this means you: Eric, Brooke, and Brooke's mom and brothers; Keith and Mark; Randy, Gary, Sheryl, and Gary's art teacher; Diane and Kirk, Kevin, Michael, Rusty and Pepper; Bill, Brian, Kae, Tim, Jacob and your smart new girlfriend; Micah; and Adrian).

I Voted

I voted early for the first time today. It was a superior voting experience. There is a paper register in the machines and the attendants even verified and updated my voter registration address. If you are eligible to vote, I recommend taking advantage of the early voting system.

I held my nose and voted for Beebe for governor. I wanted to vote for Bryan or Lendall, but I could just see A$A! winning with a margin that was less than the vote for the third party candidates. I voted Mason for mayor, for the unopposed candidates, for the bond issue for higher education, against the charitable bingo amendment, and a straight Democratic ticket otherwise.

I just spent $80 to watch frickin' Project: Runway

My neighbors up the hall are moving into a new house. They gave me their old TV stand because they didn't want to move it and my TV was sitting on the floor. Since I was only moving my TV about a foot up (and a couple of inches to the right), I didn't think I needed to unplug it or anything. But when I situated it upon the shelf, the coaxial cable went taut and the jack to connect the cable to the TV snapped right off.

Not a big problem, I thought. I'll just plug the cable up to my old disused VCR and then run it through the RCA inputs and use it as a tuner. I get everything connected and discover that less than half of the channels are showing. It turns out, the VCR thinks I'm receiving the signal from an antennae and isn't set to autoprogram. I pick up the VCR remote and it's broken.

Only momentarily deterred, I get the TV's universal remote and the remote's instruction booklet and program it for my VCR. Once set up, all the buttons don't match the features. For instance, I can't get the tape timer to not display on the screen.

Now, I'm driving to Best Buy for a new universal remote. $13 later, I'm driving back home with a more richly featured remote. Now the buttons all appear to match. However, like the previous remote, the select up and down arrow buttons work fine. But the select left and right buttons, no matter how I rigorously I program the remote or how closely I follow the instructions, will only turn up or down the volume on the television. I still can't get the get the VCR to switch to cable or autosearch the channels. At this point, I see two choices: buy a new TV or buy a new VCR.

Cut to 24 hours later, I'm at Target, perusing their "selection" of new VCRs which totals exactly one. There are several VCR/DVD combo models, but only one solely VCR model. Fortunately, it's a decent four-head, hi-fi, auto-searching, easy to set up model. Unfortunately, it's $60. The cheapest DVD player is $27. There are two additional models priced between that and the VCR. Since when does a VCR cost twice as much as a DVD player?

Oh well. Faced with the choice of either spending $60 (plus tax) or not watching television, I pull out the Visa and mortgage a small part of my future for the pleasure. Once at home, five minutes out of the box everything is up and running again perfectly just in time to see the finale of Project: Runway (congratulations, Jeffrey).

The credit card has been seeing a lot of action lately, what with getting prints and framing for the show at Mediums and the occasional monetary shortfall. Fortunately, I'll have a bit of extra cash come mid-November when I get my first paycheck from Heifer on top of the cash value of my unused vacation time at Philander, so I'll be able to make a substantially more than minimym payment to the credit card company. Cash will be tight for a few weeks, but things are looking up already.

Republican or Democrat for Arkansas Governor in 2006? Does it make much of a difference?

Is it just me or does every attack ad A$a! runs on Mike Beebe make Beebe sound like a better and better candidate? By A$a!'s reasoning, a vote for Beebe is a vote for a Democratic wonderland.

In spite of the promised liberal utopia that will surely bloom within Arkansas' borders should Beebe ascend to the State Capitol come November, I'm still supporting the independent underdog candidacy of Rod Bryan, if for no other reason than to influence the issues for the major party candidates. Of course, the major party candidates are doing everything they can to hold the issues under their own influence, notably by refusing to allow independent candidates to participate in the official debates and public forums.

The latest polls have Rod showing at 3 to 4 percent, twice the support of the more established Green Party Candidate, Jim Lendall. While his entire level support is arguably within the margin for error in these polls, 3 to 4 percent is still a substantial showing for a guy who runs a record store and works in a bakery. His supporters represent voters that the candidate for neither of the major parties are speaking to or speaking for.

In 2004, the presidential election was decided by less than 1 percent of the electorate. In a hotly contested race, why are A$a! and Beebe willing to concede nearly 5 percent of the vote? Why do they give the third party candidate a platform by excluding him from the debate? Wouldn't the more sensible idea be for one candidate to parrot his talking points, or the other to debunk his platform, thereby defusing his candidacy? Hell, even letting him sit down at the grown up's table for the debates gives the other guys a chance to expose him as an amateur Mr. Smith Frank Kapra wannabe. Strangely, by snubbing him, A$a! and Beebe are actually giving Rod credibility. His ideas have to be pushed aside, ignored, unacknowledged (with allegations that they have intimidated media outlets from covering the Bryan campaign by threatening to withhold access to outlets who do cover third parties), lest they gain some credence with the electorate and threaten to force the local candidates off the national talking points.

I don't know if Rod Bryan is the right man to be our next governor. But I do know in our representative democracy he has a right to challenge the establishment. And I believe the other candidates have a responsibility to conduct a fair and open campaign that wins voters by their stand on the issues rather than using political bullying to exclude the underdog. I hope Rod continues his political career. I hope he lectures colleges and high schools about his run for governor and the citizen's duty to hold our representatives responsible for the actions they undertake in our name. I hope he runs for the state Legislature in 2008. I hope he continues to be a stalking horse for the Governor's office. And I hope one day, by his example, our elected officials are more responsive to the people responsible for placing them into office.

The Big News

I am finally free of the insane asylum. I was offered a job Wednesday at Heifer Foundation, so on Thursday I put in my two weeks notice at Philander. The new job gives me a ten percent raise in salary to start. Plus excellent benefits. Plus a work environment that isn't passively-aggressively hostile. Plus, I'll be working for an institution who's sole purpose is eliminating hunger and poverty. I don't know if you're religious, but I, for one, am thanking God for this amazing opportunity.

Mute Math, etc.

Charlie James first told me about the band Mute Math back in the spring. Since then, I've read bits and pieces, heard some snippets here and there, and finally got the chance to see them Tuesday night. They played a hella tight show, great dynamics, lots of energy, great interpretation of their music from the studio to the stage. Definitely a band to check out if you want to see how the younger generation is interpreting U2, The Police, Radiohead, etc.

Jonzetta and Shiny Toy Guns opened the show. Jonezetta knows how to rock. STG kind of sucked. But the photos came out good.

Jonzetta


Shiny Tony Guns

Achtung, Baby!

See you there.

Be alert. The world needs more lerts.

Brittney says I'm not blogging enough. She's right. Chalk it up to no time and nothing interesting to say.

Anyway, I've been moderately encouraged this week by the release of the National Intelligence Estimate that emperically demonstrates how W. has increased rather than decreased the threat from terrorists during his time in office and Democrats finally growing a set of balls in the wake of Pres. Bill Clinton's on-air schooling of Fox News' Chris Wallace.

Since republicans clearly need educating on how to prosecute a global initiative to promote justice, I thought we'd send them all the way back to pre-school. So, courtesy or geekandproud.net, here's the R's asinine "terror alert level" indicator as filtered through our friends on Sesame Street.



UPDATE: After a little consideration: I'm a little disappointed that Kermit The Frog isn't the Green indicator (It's not easy being green, after all) or that Big Bird isn't the Yellow indicator (Bert and Ernie should rightly share a color as they share an apartment). But, given that I'm not creative/motivated enough to come up with the chart myself, I don't have a lot of room to quibble.

Go Green

Buddy Rawls, entrepreneurial environmentalist and my upstairs neighbor, told me on the elevator ride to the first floor of our apartment building this morning that he is beginning a new venture to offer environmentally friendlier biofuels to the general public, perhaps as soon as Labor Day Weekend.

He is taking over the closed Brownlow's Service Station at 8th and Chester streets downtown (with ultra convenient Interstate 630 access) and will offer E10 ethanol for use in all vehicles as well as "Willie Nelson's" bio-diesel blend made primarily from soybean oil for diesel powered vehicles.

Buddy says the price-per-gallon will be at least competitive with regular gasoline, and perhaps cheaper since gasoline is expected to surge to over four dollars a gallon with continuing conflict in the Middle East and the shut down of the Prudhoe Bay oil field in Alaksa due to corrosion and leaking along its pipeline.

There is a slight trade-off in miles per gallon when using bio fules, since ethanol doesn't burn with quite the same energy intensity as gasoline. But, in my opinion, that is a small price to pay when considering the benefits of eliminating one's emissions of carbon dioxide and other pollutants to the atmosphere.

The opening of this station is extremely good news for the Little Rock community. I am optimistic that demand at this station will be extremely high once it is open and people become aware of its existence. Rest assured you will hear more about it from me in the future.

30 Days

Season 2 of Morgan Spurlock's documentary television series 30 Days kicked off last week with an episode entitled "Immigration." The episode, if you missed its initial broadcast, is available as a free download for a limited time at the iTunes Music Store. The premise of the show, in case you've never seen it, or Spurlock's feature film, Super-Size Me, is that a person experiences a way of life that is different from his or her own for 30 days to see how it changes their viewpoint about his or her own way of life.

In "Immigration," a xenophobic, right-wing man (ironically, a Cuban immigrant himself) who is a member of the Minute Men Militia that patrols the U.S. border for undocumented immigrants is sent to live for 30 days with a family of undocumented immigrants from Mexico. For a good part of the episode, he clings to his viewpoint that, despite their roots in this country, the family he is living with should return to Mexico. Then, he is given the opportunity to visit his hosts' family (whom they haven't seen in about 15 years) back in Mexico to witness the extreme poverty they fled, that makes the cramped conditions in which they live in the U.S. seem like extravagant riches. The trip is an eye-opening experience for our Minuteman, but I'll leave it to you to view the program to see how deeply he is affected.

I myself was moved to tears, not just a little misty, but sobby boo-hooing, for the final segment of the program. The first season of 30 Days I thought was one of the best programs on television. The second season not only continues that tradition, but, if the first episode is any indication, improves upon it by exploring some of the deeper emotional resonances of his subjects. The disparate people Spurlock puts together in these programs, it would be easy for the program to devolve into Jerry Springer style sensationalism. But Spurlock adamantly maintains the dignity of all of his subjects. He engages the audience in a way that is genuinely educational, emotional, and entertaining. It looks like season 2 of 30 Days will also one of the best hours on television this year. Remember, you can check out "Immigration" for free for a limited time at the iTunes Music Store.

This sucks

In the last week, I've found out that two of my favorite Little Rock establishments are closing their doors.

First I got a notice in the mail that the landmark Design Center on Kavanaugh was closing its doors after 35 years of bringing style and substance to Little Rock. I've bought lots of gifts for friends and family at that shop, as well as a few trinkets for myself, but not nearly what I looked forward to spending at that shop.


Next, I stop into From The Garden for lunch today only to find a sign posted on their wall that says after this Friday they'll be shutting down the take out business and putting all their energy into the catering enterprise. It makes sense, in a way. Less overhead, more profit. But what am I going to do for lunch. No more pot pie. No more fajita's with cucumber sauce and onion rings. No more black eyed pea patties with gravy, greens, and a corn pone. I think I'm going to die. Boulevard is all organic, but it doesn't give a rat's ass about vegetarians (Seriously, Scott teased us today with a delicious vegetable soup... cooked in a chicken stock--DAMN YOU!!!). You know what would be the ideal: a small neighborhood cafe that's vegetarian, organic, fair trade, open late, wi-fi access, etc. Kind of like Kate's Joint in NYC. If I had the money, I think I'd open it. As it is, I'm spending all my money at these two locations before they're shut up for good.

I'm a geek

The cast of Spider-Man 3 paid a visit to Comi-Con in San Diego this week. Along with the cast members returning from the previous adventures, Bryce Dallas Howard was introduced as portraying Gwen Stacey in the third part of the trilogy. It will be interesting to see what they have her to do, as Mr. Raimi cribbed substantially from her character's arc in the first film, only apply those elements to the character of Mary Jane. Will he repeat himself? Will he risk the ire of comic nerds everywhere and come up with a new story arc?

Anyway... I thought it was momentarily funny that noted blonde Ms. Kirsten Dunst plays red-headed MJ and very firey red-head Ms. Dallas-Howard portrays yellow-headed blonde Gwen Stacey. A stupid and meaningless observation, but it occupied my attention for the length of time it took me to write out this post and find a photo online.

My favorite thing

Two years ago last Sunday I placed my order for a shiny, brand new fourth generation iPod. And I bought the $60 extended warranty (figuring it would be cheaper than the $100 fee to replace the battery, when or if I needed to have that done). Finally, two days before the warranty expired, I decided to take advantage of the warranty and sent in my iPod to have the battery replaced. According the the Apple tech support guy, I can plan on not having my iPod for at least 10 days... which is probably actually two weeks. This is like telling a crack addict that it's going to be two weeks until he's going to get his next fix. I wish they gave you a loaner unit, maybe a nano, or even a shuffle, to get you bye while the other unit was being serviced. Even better... would be a possible upgrade... I'd love to get one of those new video iPods... maybe a year from now... when they roll out the seventh generation.

Before I go to work tomorrow, I'll actually have to pick out a bunch of cds to take with me. I'm not going to know how to choose anymore. I'm so used to having EVERYTHING with me in that little shiny white box. Count them down with me... Ten more days...

Rain, finally

After two weeks of increasingly unbearable heat, we finally got some clouds and rain tonight during an impressive thunderstorm. I got out on the balcony and took about 200 shots. This picture was my one in a million (or 200). It was also about the fourth photo I snapped. A lucky shot.

UPDATE: Andrew Sullivan ran this photo as part of the ongoing "View From Your Window" series on his blog. Would it be appropriate now to say I've been published by Time?

I believe the children are our future, part 2

Watch the little girl behind President Bush near the end of the clip.

After bombing with the baby in Germany (see the post below), you'd think Bush would not allow children at his photo-ops. You can't "stage" a child, after all. Nor should you, in my opinion. Especially when it is a short logical leap to demonstrate the fallacy of the President's reasoning by vetoing the bill to expand embryonic stem cell research but parading around the "snowflake" children for a photo-op.

Ethical support of embryonic stem cell research is a "pro-life" position. When a couple receives treatment for invitro fertilization, and other fertility treatments, dozens, if not hundreds, of zygotes (i.e., embryos) are created, screened for the best possible candidates for implantation, and the rest are frozen, in case the first does not take. Invariably, by the time a couple conceives or gives up, there are still many, many of these frozen embryos left over. President Bush's attempt to demonstrate that these frozen zygotes are "alive" by marching through the White House a group of precocious children who were "adopted" as embryos from the supply left over from families who had completed their fertility treatments is an unconvincing argument that embryonic stem cell research is unethical. No where in his speech or in his rhetoric is the admission that, if these frozen zygotes are not "adopted" or appropriated for research, they will simply be discarded as "biological waste." If the President truly believes that these zygotes are alive, then he should logically be opposed to invitro fertilization and other fertility procedures that create these dozens or hundreds or (aggregately) thousands of frozen blastocysts that will never develop beyond a few cells.

Bush offers next-to-no reasoning for his support of the science that creates these cells in the first place, and his crafting of policy that throws the vast majority of them in the trash. Half to two-thirds of all fertilized eggs are flushed out of the uterus without implanting in the uterine wall. Perhaps Bush thinks discarding these cells is in line with this natural sort of "dying with dignity." But he has not said so explicitly, and to assume so is certainly reading too much into the President's logic, especially considering his constant references to the so-called "culture of life" and his desire to "save" these embryos through fetal adoption.

Many even in the pro-life movement believe that allowing researchers to use embryonic stem cells to find new cures and treatments to improve the quality and quantity of life assigns a purpose and dignity to these cells that otherwise would be discarded like last week's chinese take-out. The President doesn't see it that way. And in that regard, as in virtually every other regard of his administration, the President is wrong.

The Passion of the Clerks

It's no secret, I'm a big fan of Kevin Smith's films, the original "Clerks" in particular. I'm very excited about "Clerks II" which hits theaters this Friday, though I'm fairly certain that it will not have the personal or cultural impact of the first. But, if the film provides 90 minutes of solid entertainment, I don't think many people will be disappointed.

Personally, however, I thought a sequel to "Clerks" was made years ago, and is a cult classic in its own right: Mike Judge's "Office Space." That film hits on many of the same themes and is a logical progression from the original premise of "Clerks." But "Office Space" never made Joel Siegel run screaming, quite literally, from the theater.

Any day you find $10 in the parking lot...

... is a good day. And it was made all the better when I discovered at the grocery store I had forgotten my wallet, but I had the $10 in my pocket. It got me a box of cereal for breakfast tomorrow and a trio of deli salads for dinner tonight.

Rest assured, I washed my hands thoroughly when I got home after handling the mystery money.

I believe the children are our future

Surely, this baby speaks for us all. Well, 64% of us anyway.